I see you, new moms. Don’t let social media and celebrities fool you—your life and body aren’t supposed to be 'perfect' after birth.

This is a piece of new mom advice that's crucial in today's digitally driven world.

I’ve seen those posts: a mom with her perfect hair, carrying her new baby in a baby wrap, playing with their toddler in a perfectly tidied house. We see that world…and then compare it to ours. Toys scattered everywhere, dishes from last night’s dinner still on the table, that coffee stain on the floor we didn’t wipe up from a few days ago. Maybe we haven’t had a chance to shower in a few days. We are tired. We are moms facing the social media pressure head-on. We live in a world where we see perfect photos of perfect lives all day long. It’s a setup.

Social media is amazing and connects us, but it also has the ability to make us feel inadequate.

It’s something we consume…and if we aren’t careful, we can consume the equivalent of a 'whole box of cookies' and feel terrible. Sometimes we just want a break to fantasize about how our lives could be. I totally get that. I found myself loving a little Instagram scroll break as a mom. But, we need to be careful. Our innocent scroll can turn into doom scrolling real fast!

'Comparison is the thief of joy' - Eleanor Roosevelt

As you probably logically know, most social media posts aren’t real life. They are the best photos, often edited or curated, taken when things are going well. And, if they are from an 'influencer' account, they are often posted for business purposes. They are meant to make you feel a certain way so maybe they get more clicks, or maybe even eventually sell you something. Social media has evolved from a place where we share and connect with friends and family to a complex advertising world. They don’t look like ads on TV or in magazines…but they are doing pretty much the same thing.

Advertisements' main goal is to attract interest, and the main way they do that is by selling a feeling or emotion.

Cue the chocolate commercial with sexy chocolate dripping all over a face, and mmm-ing sexually, 'I can’t wait to have this chocolate dripping all over me…MMMM.' Don’t let it fool you. It’s saying it's selling chocolate, but it’s actually selling 'sexy time.' It suggests that if you eat this chocolate, you’ll have this pleasurable experience you’ve been missing. Really, the people they are marketing to are probably missing good sex and a romantic connection. People get tricked into thinking that buying chocolate will meet these other emotional needs. Stuff can fill us up for a short while…but it’s not really what we need, and that’s why advertisements mess with our minds.

The year is 2024. Social media is FULL of ads. I found an image graph from Reddit in 2020 (Yeah, the source is from a random dude on Reddit. Please take it with a gigantic grain of salt…and maybe do your own experiment with it). He searched his 'home page posts' and then looked at how many were 'ads' or 'sponsored,' and the results were SHOCKING! Like, almost 1/4 of his Instagram account posts were ads. 28% of his Facebook feed was ads. And that’s not including the small influencers who aren’t paying to post ads. There are people probably selling stuff from their own accounts that aren’t paying to be seen.

Social media is a setup because it’s kind of like one big Advertisement.

It’s meant to elicit feelings and show you how life 'could be.' It’s meant to make you see what you’re missing…and kind of make you feel inadequate. Because advertisers and people selling stuff want you to buy things to make you feel better. Instagram and other social media platforms make more money by also getting us hooked on scrolling. They make money off showing you stuff you focus on… And we are wired to focus on what we don’t have. We are wired to have the 'grass is greener' mindset and to be dissatisfied. This is what keeps us moving and striving for more… It also can really impact our mental health. When we are constantly focusing on the things we want that we don’t have, we feel bad. We will feel jealous, angry, sad, anxious…it literally can make our bodies ache. These feelings are meant to motivate us to do…and try to get those things that we want…but if we aren’t in a situation to make those things happen, we can feel like we are failures.

I’m writing all this because we need to be really conscious about what we consume…especially as new moms.

As new moms (and just as parents), our world gets turned upside down. All of a sudden, we are responsible for another human being. We are under so much pressure. Our body has all these hormones and instincts that kick in. We are sleep-deprived. We are stressed, financially, energetically, and mentally. Food and cooking can feel really challenging. Our time and energy get spread so thin, and we don’t have the same priorities anymore. I have an hour while the baby sleeps. Do I sit down and rest, or clean the house? Do I cook a meal or call back that person I haven’t had space to? Do I take a nap or work on my business? We have to make choices about what we focus on, and something always gets sacrificed. Do we sacrifice focusing on spending time with our kids, or do we focus on getting our body 'back?'

What we are consuming on social media will influence our choices. If we are seeing posts about a celebrity with a 6-week postpartum body that looks like she didn’t have a baby, well… that could influence us to 1) feel like we are not working out enough 2) make us feel like we aren’t good enough 3) make us feel like we should buy their shapewear so we can have a body that has a little resemblance to our pre-baby body shape. 4) all of the above or more. What we aren’t seeing on social media is a celeb mom who has a personal trainer and all the meals being cooked by a personal chef at home and a night nurse to help them get enough rest. Most of us don’t have this extra support… So, we just can’t compare. Not to mention, we don’t have the social media manager to photoshop and edit our photos!

We can’t do it all as moms…that’s okay. We aren’t meant to do it all. We aren’t meant to have our bodies back to normal 6 weeks or 6 months postpartum. (Our bodies will probably never be fully back to 'normal'. How could they be? Our lives are not the same!) Whether we grew a human in our body or adopted. Our world has been turned upside down, and our body is impacted.

As moms, we need to be extra gentle with ourselves. It’s a huge, (unpaid) job with little time. When we compare to the perfect world of social media, we are setting ourselves up to feel like we aren’t doing enough or aren’t doing it right. We will never be able to have a life that looks like Instagram because that’s not real life. There’s no filter to remove baby vomit from your clothes at 12 pm because your baby woke up sick.

You are doing enough by just doing the best you can. Y

ou are doing enough by just showing up as you are. You are enough in a messy bun and yoga pants. You are enough in your sweats and with peanut butter on your shirt. You are enough by just being a mom and trying when you can. That’s enough. Your home doesn’t need to look like 'beige Sally’s' from TikTok. Your home is okay with dishes on the table. You are okay with stretch marks, scars, new curves, and different-sized boobs. You Are Beautiful and You Are Enough.

If you are struggling with feeling like you’re not enough as a mama, or if you’re feeling like you 'should' be at a different place, or doing more than you are, and it’s really getting to you, please reach out.

I want to help. I want to help you move from this place of feeling like you’re not enough because I know that you actually are. I don’t even know you yet, but I know that our world and system set up women and moms to constantly feel like we aren’t worthy so we buy all the makeup and clothes and things to feel like we are. It’s all bullshit. You are totally worthy, and I would be so honored to help you work through all of the stories and blocks that are getting in the way of letting you really own that.

You can reach out here: Jacquelinerosewellness.com

Also, if you are REALLY struggling and feeling super overwhelmed, please reach out, and I will help you find specialized perinatal mental health support. 1 in 5 people will have perinatal mental health challenges postpartum. It’s so common. Your body literally went through the biggest hormonal and physical shift. You don’t have to suffer through any of this alone. Here’s a resource for mental health support for moms: https://avivaromm.com/pmads/"

Also, if you are scared you might hurt yourself or your baby, please call 988. This is the national crisis hotline number. They can help and will get you the help you need.